I am proud to announce these future titles, which were brainstormed over twitter between the clever Robert Greaves and myself. I take full responsibility for the offensive bits.

Orpheus vs The Undead. Having screwed up getting his wife Eurydice out of Hades, Orpheus finds himself attacked by hordes of Undead, led by his somewhat annoyed wife.

The Seven Against Thebes Meet The Seven Samurai. The two bands of warriors, having completed their respective noble missions, meet halfway to determine which of them are the better Real Men. Contains graphic violence and really good sex scenes.

Zeus and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. A confused student in Plato's Academy contemplates the meaning of life, and wonders whatever happened to that rather bright fellow student, Aristotle.

Fear and Loathing in Ephesus. Two guys, one of them a sophist, both high on burned cannabis seeds, pilot a boat to Ephesus. They may or may not get there.

The Phantom of the Great Dionysia. A distressed psyche is haunting the public theatre of Athens. Or is it a hidden, deformed man? We won't know the truth until it bonks Aspasia.


This came up in a conversation in which I argued that the zombies improved Pride & Prejudice. Jane Austen is possibly the greatest writer in the English language ever. Which means P&P is really good chicklit. But it's still chicklit. From the male POV, adding the zombies fixed the only serious defect in her work. Gary ducks for cover and runs away.